December 01, 2004

PREDICTIONS FOR 2005

Rod Stewart will do an about-Face. The surviving members of INXS will not save face. And 1980s rockers with chubby faces will shape up. These events and more are among Medleyville's predictions for 2005.

* George Henn predicts:

1. Paunchy 1980s pop stars will be sure to count calories and hit the gym for fear of being ambushed by a VH1 "Bands Reunited" camera crew.

Little Steven.jpg

2. Having convinced the masses that he invented garage rock, Little Steven will try to prove he also invented the garage itself. The new Sears/KMart conglomerate signs on to sponsor his summer festival, co-hosted by Bob Vila.

3. Once they actually tally up the gobs of money from their reunion tour, The Pixies will begrudgingly decide to record a new album, if only to extend the cash cow.

4. Soul Asylum will release a solid comeback disc and win back some of the fans who deserted them during their fleeting fling with fame in the early '90s.

5. Look for Two Cow Garage to make some noise. The group’s just-released second disc, The Wall Against Our Back, is a reckless mix of punk, grunge and hillbilly anthems, and the constantly touring Columbus, Ohio-based band will probably soon be tearing up a small nightclub near you for little more than the price of an imported beer.

* Chris M. Junior predicts:

Yogi Berra.gif

1. Former New York Yankees catcher and master of malapropisms Yogi Berra will record a rock 'n' roll album, which will include covers of the Lenny Kravitz hit "It Ain’t Over 'Til It's Over" and the John Fogerty song "Déjà vu (All Over Again)."

2. There will not be a 20th anniversary remake of USA for Africa's "We Are the World." (Got that, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, et al?)

3. Jessica Simpson, in an attempt to eclipse the media attention sister Ashlee attracted with her infamous Saturday Night Live lip-sync incident, will announce she's through with live singing and talking, a decision husband Nick Lachey will appreciate.

4. The members of INXS will abandon their silly idea to find a new lead singer via a Mark Burnett-produced reality show and do something else just as demeaning: accept a gig as the American Idol house band.

5. Liz Phair and Avril Lavigne will team up for a Jay-Z/R. Kelly-type album titled The Same Exact Worlds -- produced by the Matrix production team, of course.

* Mike Madden predicts:

1. 2005 will see an overhaul of the current charting systems for singles. Downloads will supercede sales as a measurable criteria for chart positioning. Subsequently, the industry also will see a revamping of the payola penalties, with harsher crackdowns and stiffer fines.

2. The following articles will appear sometime next year:
"The Best Obscure Artists That You Should Have Known About Three Years Ago" -- Spin
"Irresponsibility in Hip-Hop Journalism (Don't Blame Us)" -- Source
"A List of 500 Musical Things That Really Only Make People Hate Our Magazine More" -- Rolling Stone

Rod Stewart.jpg

3. Rod Stewart will drop the lousy standards and head on the road for a Faces reunion tour and VH1 special.

4. Picking up the slack in the "let's remake a bunch of old songs" department will be Tom Waits, who will release a collection of old show tunes. His first single will be a cover of "On the Good Ship Lollypop" by Shirley Temple.

5. Tokyo will feature the last ever Kiss concert, featuring every living member in the band’s history, including the various guitar techs who have filled in for Ace Frehley. Peter Criss will be fired and rehired every third song, and all the money for the show will go to the charity of Paul Stanley's choosing -- which, of course, will be Gene Simmons.

Posted by medleyville at December 1, 2004 07:42 PM
Comments